Yesterday, my daughters' hearts were broken. Their father told them that he has a girlfriend - and she has a daughter - and she is pregnant with their sister. He showed them pictures of him with her, with her daughter, and with her really big belly.
The therapist told me that my baby girl immediately cried. The other gritted through her teeth and muttered how 'happy' she is with a look of shock on her face. She told me she feels sorry for them. I held back my tears and drove them home.
My oldest daughter had that look of shock on her face all evening until she went to bed and told me that she feels confused by everything. She barely said a word about it all night. She tried to hold it all in and pretends like she didn't just hear a story that is shattering her world as she knows it.
My baby girl looked to me so full of sadness and told me "I don't want to have a half-sister."
My baby girl looked to me so full of anger and told me "How could Daddy do this? He's not even married to her."
My baby girl looked to me so full of hurt and told me "He's still married to you." and what I saw in her eyes killed me inside.
My baby girl looked to me so full of pain and told me "I wish Daddy didn't tell us."
Two weeks ago my baby girl asked her father if he had a girlfriend and he deflected. Made a joke instead of giving an answer. She believed he didn't have a girlfriend and when she told me she breathed a air of relief. Tonight her breaths are short, like she can't catch it. They sit in front a mug of chamomile and start counting the months from now to when their new baby sister will arrive and realize that their father has been lying to them. "She is due in three months Mommy." He has been lying to them for at least 6 months.
I knew. I knew because he leaves a trail behind him. I knew because three months ago I saw that he used our joint bank account to pay for her 3-D ultrasound. I knew because his family put up pictures of them on Facebook.
I knew the day would come when he would break their hearts, the same he did to mine. I didn't know he would do it so soon. I didn't know how much more this would hurt. NO matter what I did, I couldn't protect them from him. I haven't been able to cry tears in years, but tonight, I can't stop.
This past year, they have seen the worst from their father. They are piecing together more and more of the story. The broken walls, the broken doors, and now the broken hearts. "Mommy, why doesn't this door close?" "Mommy, I remember when Daddy tried to punch you. He missed your head. He hit the wall right here." "Mommy, Daddy broke a lot of things."
A year ago he told them that he didn't want a divorce. He told them it was "Mommy's fault" that we are getting one. It's "Mommy's fault" that he had to move out. Now I can see their minds working to understand more of this broken marriage. They are putting all the pieces together.
Yesterday my daughters' hearts were broken. I feel helpless.
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